Seriously? You Eat That?

We need to talk. Seriously. What is it with you guys and eggs? What the Bleurb Cucumber? You're creating havoc!

You do know what eggs are, right? You always thought that they're chicken embryos? Never realised that they're hypertunneling spacecraft? Despite us sending a huge clue in the form of that TV show, what was it again, um Mork and something? 

It may interest you to know that through a process as fabulously complicated as me, (oh okay and the whole damn Universe too) this is how we arrive on your planet and others, through the  hyperspace wormhole tunnels inside Shemozzles. (NOT Schemozzles! Captain Zorgan's pesters protect us, bless their eyepatches!) 

That is, all aliens arrive here, like ourselves (and like your long-past ancestors) through a Shemozzle's cloaca, wrapped in an organic calcium dropship. Thanks to the principle already discovered by some of the few institutions here that actually seem to know about Universal things (aka your venerable Men In Black) you should have been aware that there is an alien size-compression technology at work here. It's all a bit technical but it's connected to the way the Shemozzle Clackertech works. 

And your knowledge of Cloacatech (to give it its proper name) seems to have - just stopped - at the point of transporting things the size of  Dwarves, Elves, Fairies, and Borrowers, and seems to have then been forgotten, or deliberately hidden. 

An that's the way it's been until we sent through some larger Clacker Shemozzles. No wonder the planet is so shemshoit. This must also be why you eat eggs, having lost the knowledge of the ins and outs of a shem's cloaca. It's a shame, actually.

Do you know how much business you've missed out on? How many of our finest Zorganisms have arrived here - only to find themselves poached or fired? Arrgh! Stop it! You've set up huge-scale hyperspaceports like Steggles - only to entrap us and then eat us! Just stop!

You what? YOU WOT? Mumbling about "but eggs turn into little chicks" you say? Let me ask you - if you put a bunch of Shemozzles somewhere, do ALL the eggs turn in Shemozzles? No they do not. Those are stranded passengers. "And the ones that do turn into chicks?" I hear you ask? 

OMFSM how do you think we replace wormhole tunnel endpoints? They only last so long before their clackers stop working, they need to be replaced regularly. (And these days also you eat them!) So we send new ones through the system, they then grow up in the normal fashion for shemozzles, and one day, we send passenger eggs through them. And then watch you also go and eat those! It's... It's just... I -  Just don't get me started on balut and pickled eggs... 

Aaaannd why am I even telling you this, anyway, and wasting airtime? Please stop eating our transportation system. That's it, that's the post.