Rambard Zorg, Not A Captain, Arrrrh!

Firstly, I'm trying out a "drop cap" style graphic at the head of each article that'll allow you to tell which blog the repost came from when it's announced on social media. If you find this annoying let me know, but give it a few days to see how it goes...

Time to say hello to Rambard Zorg. 

Distantly related to Horace Z Zong (who "discovered" chrysosporadicon which was still - at last count - the hardest material in the known Universes and the one other thing that was required for Clackertech to be perfected) and thus the inheritor of the dwarf star in which HZZ perished and returned from, the dwarf star that was named after this illustrious ancestor. The dwarf star they now know as "Old Luckless..."

Y'all know we have Clackertech Transport - maybe it's time to dig into some history of The Chooks That Conquered The Universe. Here's an extract from some boring history files or other:

Chrysosporadicon:  When an unfortunate Horace Z Zong The First was first (ironic, I know) experimenting with Clackertech his egg materialised inside a small wizened very old and very dense star. When his egg returned, he’d apparently exited the egg and met with a white-hot and instant death, as there was no trace of him ever found. The egg was, however, filled with crysosporadicon that flowed in to take his place. The dwarf star has since been named after Horace, and thus is now called “Ole Luckless.”  However, what they found inside the egg was the most dense and hard material known to Zorgan, and which they named chrysosporadicon. They then executed several hundred petty criminals by sending them into Ole Luckless, before they realised they could just send an empty egg with a simple timer-operated door button pusher, and save many zorganisms’ lives. But they still had a lot of petty criminals. So the practice went on unchanged until they no longer had a large jail population to support. Chrysosporadicon was indeed a fortunate find, because before Ole Lu- … before Horace Z Zong The First, it was found that launch platforms (shemozzles, or as Terrans call them, chickens) were prone to exploding at launches due to the immense pressures involved in Cloacatech transport. Once they bred (in a series of experiments and processes that are still Trade Secrets Of The Pesters to this day) chickens with significant Cp content in their body chemistry, egg launchers became the reliable means of transport that made ClackerTech possible.  ClackerTech: The company, originally formed by Pesters but which was deviously obtained from them by what Pesters called “The Lesser Zorganisms.”  The hit or miss nature of ClackerTech transport (There's a reason that they called it chrysosporadicon) has made Zorganisms a bit philosophical about “getting Zonged” or any of the other ways one can be deleted from this life. But one thing that boils their l-ichor is how we Terrans eat both shemozzles and the eggs. As a result, they’ve taken to deporting troublesome Zorgans to Terra, meaning that the ones Terrans most get to interact with are petty bureaucrats, despots, con artists, and telecommunications device sanitisers, that they somehow failed to boil, fry, scramble, or souffle. CloacaTech: The mere mention of cloacas made many Zorganisms feel a little bit weird, knowing they would be teleported into an egg inside a shemozzle and then (presumably) shot out of that orifice into whatever hyperspace those shemozzles had somehow developed in a random act of evolution. So ClackerTech in a stroke of pure marketing genius, altered the name of their company to the (only) slightly less grim version.

And that's enough of that.